I hope everyone is doing well this early June. Oh my gosh I can’t believe it’s already June. Ahhh So crazy! Life is moving so fast. Faster than I want it to I think. I want to make sure to slooooooooooooow down and learn my lessons. I don’t want to miss anything.
There have been so many changes lately with me, and I wanted to write down a bit of what is on my mind.
For years I thrived on attention. I mean, you’d never guess that from the way I acted, but I’ve just never thought I was all that great. So I was always looking for an affirmation or compliment. It’s sort of embarrassing, but I really didn’t feel like much of anything without it. I needed to be constantly reminded I was beautiful! Or funny! Or intelligent! Or creative! When someone went out of their way to tell me that, my insides would calm down, for awhile.
But then it would creep up again. This need to be important! Validated! Seen! Loved. It was a consistent spinning wheel of approval seeking that has gone on for years.
And then I happened to be listening to Hay House radio a couple of days ago (love it, seriously). One of the hosts, it’s not even important who it was, was talking about something similar. It reminded me of my need to be noticed! Validated! Approved of! Honestly I’ve had this problem wayyyy more than I thought. I would feel downright UGLY until someone said that I was pretty. And then I was like ‘oh wow! I must be pretty!’ I’d feel untalented until someone said, ‘Wow! I love what you did.’ And then I’d be like, ‘oh my gosh thank God I’m okay.’
Anyway, back to Hay House realization. It suddenly dawned on me that all of that need to be seen, the drive to be noticed and appreciated and acknowledged, that is definitely part of the human condition. But what is it? It’s not just about being important or special. It’s about being loved. We all need to be loved. We all need to feel loved. So we reach out into this strange world hoping someone will recognize us as SPECIAL, TALENTED, GREAT and give us the approval that we are looking for. But then it always seems to fade.
Suddenly it dawned on me how exhausting it is to be defining ourselves by what we hear, what compliments are given to us. If we are really looking for acknowledgement, validation (LOVE) from family, friends, random outsiders, it’ll always be fleeting. It’s fleeting because we don’t believe it.
So, I’m working on this. Giving myself the love that I normally would be looking for. I’m reaching out; inside, complimenting myself on who I am and how I’m showing up and what I can release. I’m no longer going to grade myself based on societies reaction to me. And I’ll have compassion for myself when I forget. 🙂